There’s been oh so many times I have dwelled on whether to do something or not. Not because of any other reason except that I didn’t think I was good enough to do it. Good enough, had the authority to or just that someone was better than me should instead. Personally and professionally.
In all those times, I gave away my power. I had the ability to make a difference in someone else’s day or, wait for it, a difference in MY day. Fancy that, thinking I also deserve happiness or joy from gifting my knowledge or time to something for myself.
Imposter syndrome, or more commonly known as feeling like fraud, happened to me A LOT.
Inner thoughts… Why is this mother asking me for advice, I don’t know what she needs. Why should I put my hand up to help on this committee, I am not trained in that. I can’t draw, I’m not creative. All the inner voices telling me I wasn’t any good at something. All the outer voices from my childhood and youth had now become my inner voices as an adult.
What I realised, in a snap of awareness, was that I would always suffer from feeling like a fraud, if I never knew who I was. Self awareness was the solution to feeling like a fraud.
For me, I would
- have feelings of inadequacy
- constantly compare myself to others
- lack self confidence
- experience self doubt
- have anxiety hang over me, weighing me down
- sometimes have negative self talk
- dwell on the past
- not trust my true capabilities
- risk manage today to control outcomes of potential future events
That last one, was a big one. But ALL of it was equally exhausting.
Do you know I would also dismiss accolades, whether it was professional or personal accomplishments? I was very skilled in taking on more work than was needed, rather than delegate, just to make sure it was done correctly. And for all the job hunters out there – you know this one – not applying for jobs, because we don’t tick EVERY ITEM in the job description.
So, when I realised that my imposter syndrome had everything to do with my lack of identity, it also affirmed that I don’t need to feel like an imposter, when I have a firm awareness of my identity. Once I kicked that habit, I felt lighter immediately.
When I know who I am; when the connection between my community’s perception of me and my perception of me matches; then there is no imposter. It literally cannot exist.
Being genuine, you cannot make a mistake. Being you, being authentic, self aware – then its impossible to be an imposter.
I’ve been there, without identity, searching for flow, glow and sense of meaning. We all can have it, and we all deserve it.
I want you to glow too. Get in touch, if you are curious on how I can help, because we all deserve to be self aware, deserve joy in our days. Click this link to schedule a FREE 15 or 30 minute chat. Zero obligation. You know you want to.
Copyright Natasha Loohuys 2021